The Art of Keeping Clocks
The modern, “Post-Malone” world is filled with clocks. Great big clocks — the kind at your grandfather’s house. Big, old, wooden clocks with an inside you can look into. And the lil guys: small, bright yellow clocks. Faded pink clocks. Buzz Lightyear clocks, Hey Arnold! clocks. Clocks that go on your wrist or in your pocket. And it’s our job, as clock keepers (in an increasingly “Post-Malone” society), to make sure that all our clocks are ticking just fine.
tick tick tick
“Which clocks are you responsible for?” Asks your therapist.
“Well” you start, “It’s hard to know where to start.” Easy to know where to finish — not there, bub. Definitely don’t leave it like that — with some ambiguous, uninteresting “lean-in” kind of cliff hanger.
Your therapist persists, and a few clocks come to mind:
There’s the Social Clock (tick tick)
The Fitness-Wellbeing Clock (tick tock tick tock)
The “Have I Been Overeating Clock” TICK tock Dear Lordy
The Call the Relatives Clock
The Save the Refugees Clock
The Stop Buying Things from Amazon Clock
The “How much implicit bias am I carrying around” Clock and the closely related “How can I whittle down that implicit bias SOB as far as possible” Clock
Then there’s the Global Warming Clock (big yikes) which has probably been going off since 1949 or some arbitrarily, post-industrial (Pre-Malone) date that matters to somebody. Oh that pesky Global Warming Clock has really been buzzing lately — but there’s no one in the kitchen to take the cookies (read: the next generation; read: our cookie-cutter little human spawn; read: our you’re-going-to-inherit-this-shit-and-we’re-sorry-but-not-quite-sorry-enough-to-stop-ordering-tchotchkes-off-Amazon; our little baby, cookie-cutter children) out of the oven. So now the lil guys are just in there burning and the oven is all “Screw it, we might as well do a cleanse” and ramps it up a notch — ENTER: COVID-19, which throws the whole oven-earth into some “burn it all down” COVID convection bake.
tick tick tick tick
In the super market, down the street, on the sidewalk — every breath feels like a risk. Am I dying? Am I killing old people? How well does this DIY mask work? How long does the ole ‘vid last in the air? Probably enough time for it to be in my mouth. COVID in my mouth yikes — time to…
Check on the Clock of Inner Peace!
Inner Peace Clock — you around? No, don’t see it anywhere. Must be under those boxes of Amazon orders I totally needed. At least Amazon is ethical. At least Amazon started out with books. At least Amazon reminds us that there is a wonderful forest (THAT’S BURNING DUE TO CAPITALISM) in Brazil that’s ruled by tall and proud Amazonian Wonder Women.
Check the classic “time” clock. Half-past nine! Probably shouldn’t skimp on that sleep clock. When you stop sleeping is when everything goes crazy — at least that’s what I’ve heard from the homeless guy on the corner. Sleep is certainly a number one kind of clock. And food. If you sleep well, eat right, and have some good social interaction; you’re pretty much set. Just stop breathing near old people — you might be killing them.
